this place does something to me...

revisiting my safe/calm place

Years ago when I started EMDR with my therapist Bonnie, she asked me to visualize a place that evoked the feeling of safety and a sense of calm. This place could be real or imagined - it was up to me. She asked me to get detailed - what did I see? what sounds did I hear? what did my body feel like? how did I feel in this place? What word or phrase can we assign this place to recall it in the future?

In EMDR, we call this the Safe/Calm Place and it is used as a resource before, during, and after the processing of traumatic and upsetting material. Oftentimes, the creation of the safe/calm place imagery is paired with slow and short sets of bilateral stimulation to induce the relaxation response (I caution you from trying this part at home but here is a simple guide from a psychologist if you choose to explore this more).

“Safe place” may be thought of as an emotional sanctuary where a person can internally go to recover stability when feeling stressed.

Everyday I use this resource and imagery when I feel overwhelmed, upset, anxious, etc. Last week I went back to my safe and calm place: the beach. The beach has always been a place of refuge for me. From a young age, I visited the beach each summer and found it to be a friend, a confidante, a place to go when I was at my lowest. My favorite novels are often set at the beach and my favorite authors and books use the beach and the ocean as supporting characters Think Black Cake and Where the Crawdads Sing.

As I walked down the bridge to get to the beach last weekend, I passed by the sand dunes filled with colorful flowers.

I heard the beating of the waves, the sound of the sea gulls.

I felt my body soften and relax, my heart beat slowing down. My jaw softening. My mind settling.

Soothing myself in times of distress and noticeable dysregulation is key to avoiding burnout, toxic stress, and a host of other symptoms that cause me to feel blah. The beach helps me find this place of relaxation where I can go for a few moments to find reprieve.

Grab a piece of paper and let’s find your safe/calm place.

• Begin by taking deep breaths. Slowly breathe in to fill your belly and continue with a long slow exhale out of your nose. As you move through these questions, continue the deep intentional breaths.

• Can you imagine a place that evokes a sense of calm and safety? Maybe a place that you have visited or a place you can imagine in your mind (avoid using people, pets, or places associated with stress)?

• What do you hear? smell? see?

• What do you feel?

• Where do you feel this in your body?

• Notice this and be in it as much as possible.

• Is there a word or phrase that you can associate with this place?

• As you move throughout your day, recall this word or phrase, pull up the imagery, and notice your body responding kindly as it shifts into a calm and safe state. Repetition is key!

Here are the details of my calm place, aptly named the beach:

I imagine a beach scene. The sky is blue and dusted with clouds. I hear the sounds of seagulls overhead, I see pelicans in a long line floating over the ocean as they search for their next meal. I see the waves gently lapping the shore. Some waves big, some small. I smell the sea - a salty fresh scent lightly mixed with coconut from my sunscreen. My skin feels warm, the sun beating down on it. I sense the sand on my toes, my feet nestled into the white silky warm sand. I feel my body in the chair, low to the ground. I notice a gentle breeze and the book in my lap. I notice my jaw softening, my shoulders relaxing, and my heart thumping to a slow beat. My arms are gently placed in my lap, my hands unfurling for rest. I take a slow deep inhale and long luxurious exhale. I am safe. I am calm.

I hope you can find a place that brings you safety, calm, warmth, and a sense of relaxation through this exercise. Remember that this place could be many different things…the mountains, trees, a cozy bed. Feel free to share yours in the comments below!

**Disclaimer: The stuff you find on this website or in our online yoga and therapy antics is meant for laughs and general info only. It's not a stand-in for serious medical or therapeutic wisdom. Before you embark on any new yoga moves or delve into our therapeutic shenanigans, consult your healthcare pal. Participation is your choice, and we won't be held responsible for any sudden interpretive dance injuries.

Think of the links we share like those quirky friends—we're not vouching for their quirks. By using this place, you're saying, "I get it, it's all in good humor." If you don't agree, kindly exit stage left and seek advice from the serious folks. Laughter is the best medicine, but sometimes you need a prescription.” (-Thank you ChatGPT for this lovely disclaimer.)