Are we too caught up in ourselves?

The privilege of resolutions and a new year new me attitude.

Well this week has been a shitshow. Between school cancellations and heavy heartfelt client work, I am crispy. I have a fun weekend planned - Taylor Swift Trivia with my daughter and friends and their daughters. Basketball games. Brewery Birthday Party. Moving my body. Rest. Gilmore Girls. Hoping it can be a balm to my weary soul.

This is going to be a hot take newsletter. I feel nervous in my body thinking about sending this out. But it has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks now. So, the topic is aimed to discuss how we can ground our intense focus on growth, resolutions, goals, and maybe even choosing our word of the year with some levity and gratitude. And of course I will share some fun and helpful links and a yoga shape for looking forward. You might need it after this.

If you have eyes, you have definitely seen everyone’s new year posts: in’s and out’s, resolutions, goals, word of the year…etc. We all spend a lot of time, energy, and money deciding on what these should be. As I’ve been reflecting on my own hopes and intentions for a new year (using various worksheets, interacting with others about my chosen word of the year), I’ve also been reminding myself what a fucking privilege it is to have the time and resources to engage in this reflection at all. I am extremely privileged to be able to decide what is in or out and to consider what the new me might look like in the coming year. To be able to decide that we want to rest instead of continually be productive, that we want to step away from the busyness and embrace the calm- this is an utter miracle and beautiful thing that I think we often take for granted.

Please hear me - growth and setting intentions and being more mindful in life is absolutely important for our self care and mental health. We need these plans and goalposts and a lot of us might get and feel stuck if don’t spend the time doing these things. We will always need to band together to encourage each other to rest. We need accountability partners to help us refocus where we are going and who we want to be.

I see resolutions and goal setting as love letters to our future selves. What a beautiful thing to be able to engage with this kind of thinking and planning. Acknowledging the privilege of having the space to see and plan for what is ahead and who we want to be is a gift, a breath of fresh air when we get lost in the perfection of it all.

Pausing to remember this privilege is vital. If we can shoot through the seriousness with levity and lightness maybe this can soften us a bit and we can lean in to the new year with more ease and curiosity.

I like to use the both/and idea here. We can be both grateful for the opportunity and serious about creating a life we love. We can be both focused on bettering ourselves and also acknowledge the privilege that we have the resources to do so. Alicia Kennedy wrote a post on January 1 of this year titled Both Joyful and Killjoy that prompted some of this reflection. Below is an excerpt from that piece that I think can sum up some of what I am trying to convey.

The anguish over holidays going on as usual while genocides occur—I understand it. At the same time, who can risk unhappiness, loneliness? Who has been grieving their own losses and finds the holiday lights, the parties, a helpful source of cheer? Who knows this will be their last holiday, or the last one of someone they love? We have to figure out a productive way to engage with the world as it is, in order to work towards the world that we want. Do we use joy for that? When people ask, “Am I allowed to feel joy right now, while I know of and empathize with and am enraged by the pain being experienced by others?” We have to say: Yes. The way forward is honesty about the coexistence of it all, of forward movement within the messiness.

I wish you softness and kindness towards yourself as you navigate this new year. That you don’t take yourself too seriously. That you approach new intentions and resolutions with a sense of gratitude and gentleness. To know that no matter what you plan to do or write down about forward movement, that here in this moment you are enough and wonderful whether you embody your word of the year or forget it by February 27th. Alicia shares this quote towards the end of her piece and I hope it leaves you with a sense of pride and comfort that you are here and reading this and simultaneously safe and out of harm’s way.

“the audacity of the world to continue to be beautiful and continue to be good in times of deep suffering.”-Nick Cave

How anxiety may look in my brain! I love a good demonstration of how anxiety may look and feel for some folks. I can attest to feeling this way too often. The way I ease my anxiety seomtimes is to engage in some good ol fashion cleaning to ground me and refocus my thoughts.

Speaking of decluttering our brains, here is a wonderful article about ways we might find more well-being - Decluttering! I see a lot of people trying to do closet clean outs and focusing on minimizing. Here are some helpful reminders of why this can benefit us long term.

Instagram really does have wonderful reminders related to growth and being human. (from therapist Helen Marie) One of my best friends shares wonderful instagram posts and she shared this reminder last week!

In the spirit of finding both gratitude and peace as we begin the new year, I love a good basic shape like tadasana/mountain pose. When I imagine this shape, I see an openness and a powerful sense of knowing - looking to what is to come. To begin, stand tall, feet about hips width apart. Maybe lift your toes up and slowly allow for one toe at a time to rest back on the earth. Life up your shoulders to your ears and let them gently fall back down. Rest your hands at your sides, fingertips relaxed. You can choose to have your palms facing out or in touching your outer thighs. Notice your chest open and proud. If you’d life, take a deep inhale and slowly slowly slowly allow the breath to move back out as you exhale. Maybe your shoulders relax even more as your body softens.

Photo by Tejj on Unsplash

Maybe we should all add spontaneity into our intentions list this year! Vox writer Allie Volpe writes about the benefits of allowing for more playfulness and go with the flow-ness to your day! Loved this part of the piece:

A looser schedule can infuse playfulness and adventure on a minor scale into life. Spontaneity is the state of being open to whatever situation is presented to you as it happens, says clinical psychologist Linda Blair. This can mean anything from trying a new restaurant for lunch at your colleague’s suggestion to waking up and deciding to go to the beach today. Living in the moment opens you up to new experiences, which can boost happiness, Blair says. “When you’re spontaneous, you get to enjoy what’s happening to you, rather than thinking, ‘What’s coming next? Am I going to be able to make that deadline? Am I going to be able to be on time for this?’”

Thanks for taking the time to read this far… :)

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